Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
He just broke up w his most recent gf again, wish I could message her and be like it's not you he's gay.
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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