i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I just heard a woman call her child a butt face. Repeatedly. He's crying now. I love walmart.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
you made out with another girl for some wings
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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