Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
She bit a glass in half.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He called me 'pal' while complimenting how well I took his load on my face. I've officially been fuckbuddy-zoned.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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