Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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