Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I'm just gonna use that pot butter as dip for chips. That's fat, American AND stoner!
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
tell me about the eggs
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
