even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
Randomize
