i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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