called my therapist. she asked if I was sad bc of m.j.'s death. are ppl that pathetic?
you need more empathy. some people get depressed for reasons OTHER than being a whore.
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
I didn't want to have to tell you this, violating our brother/sister code not to discuss these things but: for the love of christ stop inviting that 21 year old idiot I slept with for six months to EVERY PARTY WE THROW.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
