My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I'm in the sex attic, crying, eating french toast and taco
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I'm a lady. Ladies do NOT hump the floor.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
