I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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