So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
Church parking lot, park bench, front porch. I think she's more comfortable going down on me in public. May have found the one.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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