I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
BRING THE BAGELS
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
