Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Randomize
