We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
Randomize
