You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
