just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
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