You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Randomize
