apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Swine flu is the new snow day.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
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