it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Randomize
