No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
Randomize
