I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
The only thing better than Call of Duty is getting jerked off while playing Call of Duty.
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
