Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
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