How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
Randomize
