Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Randomize
