I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
