I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
i just learned how to squirt via google. life is good.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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