Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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