just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Seriously. Come back. I've had two beers for breakfast so far. The third will be for lunch since it's already 12.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
Randomize
