I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
