so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
Whenever I'm sad I just imagine if babies were born with mustaches...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
