apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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