The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Randomize
