you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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