I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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