Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
I honestly can't remember your justification for putting peanut butter on your cell phone.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
Also. I plan to spend time with you at boomers, high, teaching ourselves how to pee standing up.
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Randomize
