Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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