Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
