Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
Randomize
