the condom got lost in my hair
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Accidentally typed message to mom that included word "kink." FML. Played it off as autocorrect from "drink" which was somehow more acceptable
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