Just woke up naked in my storage cubby and some one rearragned my whole room?
no jk, not my room
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I'm sad about how hungover I'm gonna feel tomorrow.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Randomize
