No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
