some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
