if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
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