I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
even my farts smell like vagina
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
I woke up at 4 am to my roomate peeing all over my clean laundry. He thought he was in the bathroom and yelled at me for being in the bathroom with him while he was peeing.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
