Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
He uses pillows to masturbate.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
I think you're going to have to drive me to white haven. I don't know if my brain can handle having my mom drop me off at a strip club.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Omg I'm having dinner at chilli's with a guy who is arguing that getting a weed leaf tatoo on his neck will prevent him from getting a job as a dental assistant
Well that actually sounds reasonable
Its like a glacier coming out of my asshole.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
