when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
threw up outside of the dorms in the parking lot in the pouring rain on the first day of class, i'd say summer is off to a good start.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
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