Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
you kept screaming that dicks were growing out of your back and then you started crying cause they were so far from your vag
could you get any more awkward?
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Lives are in shambles. Livers are in disrepair. Our friend was missing for 2 days. His brother slept in a porta potty. God damn you college world series
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Randomize
