not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
