According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
