i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
I fill condoms, not promises.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
I want to tell you your future: you're going to be having sex
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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